Shades of Grey

What makes us do what's right or wrong? We're all born with basic instincts - "no" is the first word we learn, "yes" the second. Parents say "don't do this, don't do that", hoping that kids will catch on & figure out what's right. But black or white, children see the world in all its full colours. Some adults never figure that everything is neither black nor white, but shades of grey. Is it so hard to believe in grey? Perhaps just as it is with grasping the concept of faith & anything that is intangible. Funny we should remind ourselves to see/feel/think like a child, ever so often. Our human minds are so efficient in forming conditioned perspectives that stick to us for so long, sometimes too long that it blocks out all other (endless) possibilities. We're driven by fear, guilt & perceived need to do the right thing. Justification.

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Tonight's movie was Disturbia - not too deep & definitely not that disturbing but it got me biting my nails at the end. Pretty girl, cute dude who went from chasing over-sized robots to stalking psychotic neighbour, plus cool Trinity mum. It wasn't too bad but they should have worked on the movie title - "What he did last summer" is unoriginal but more relative at least. Hanabi was not too far from previous standards either, except I'm still suffering the consequences of eating too much, as usual. Had some private time with Little Edric whose big observant eyes never fail to amaze me. I can't wait to have a conversation with him. Every time I see those bright eyes, I wonder what he sees... I wonder I what I saw when I had that look. I can't remember & I guess he won't either, when he reaches my age. But I'd like to catch those moments & see from a child's eyes again.

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We're never too old to see like a child & no child should ever be rushed into adulthood. With each experience, we learn & we grow. We also gain a new perspective, sometimes a new fear/guilt that will set a new conditioning. These conditionings protect us for awhile & seeing that it works, our minds automatically retain the magic formula. Until it fails us again. It often takes a few vicious cycles & dramatic downfalls to realise that the only thing that matters is believing in ourselves. How important it is not to be trapped in our own set impressions & how much more crucial it is to be in touch with our deepest conscience. There is simply too much to learn, know & experience in a lifetime. Not knowing who we truly are would be the greatest pity.

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I'm starting to explore myself again. I did that a lot as a child, that much I do remember. Staring into space, letting my mind wander, looking in the mirror - I wasn't wondering how the world saw me, I didn't care so much then. The focus of interest was me. What am I, who am I, why do I feel this way, what makes me think like that, what are dreams? Questions that may not have tangible answers & definitely not found in any textbook/manual. The most important questions in self-discovery. There are so many ways to connect to the world - TV, books, magazines, Internet, people. But how many ways are there to connect to oneself? Just one. So why do we ignore ourselves so often & choose to discover the world instead? After all, it is this very journey that has no destination, no boundaries, no right or wrong.

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红 橙 黄 绿 蓝 靛 紫

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Rainbow - spectrum of colours, scientifically proven as the breakdown of white light. So rests my case of "nothing is ever just black or white". Incidentally & more abstract, this spectrum of colours is referred to across cultures, religions & philosophies, as the 7 chakras of the human body. Won't go into details for now as I don't know the details (yet). Just to revert to my initial chain of thoughts... Believe in yourself. Make the effort to continually explore & be more aware of this self-discovery journey. You will be amazed at how the world connects itself to you once you are connected to yourself.